How to Lose a Whole Lot of Weight!!! (Triple Exclamation Point!)

I recently read an article on the internet that was about weight loss and general health. Because weight loss and/or general health appeal to everyone. And I stumbled across a paragraph that talked about how tall glasses are better than short, fat glasses, because you'll subconsciously fill the short, fat glass more than you'd fill the tall, skinny glass.

Here's a hint, and it's a good one, so lean in and listen closely:

"IF YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AND YOUR BEVERAGE IS CAUSING YOU TO GAIN THAT MUCH WEIGHT WHY THE BLERKITYDERK ARE YOU DRINKING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE??? (TRIPLE QUESTION MARK?) WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? A BIG GULP-SIZED CUP OF LARD? HERE TRY SOME FRESH WATER. BEVERAGE OF CHAMPIONS!!!"

Sorry; didn't mean to yell in your ear. . . (Triple period. Also, an ellipsis.)