Review // The Basic Eight

The Basic Eight

by Daniel Handler

My current favorite author obsession: Daniel Handler. The past two months, I've read two of his adultier books and reread a couple of A Series of Unfortunate Events books. And it's almost summer; why wouldn't I be in the mood for a little murder?

The Basic Eight are a clique of high school seniors (there are eight of them; clever name, yes?) who are of the classy, intelligent variety. They have garden parties and cocktail parties and dinner parties, oh my. The thing is, you can be the classiest, smartest person in the whole school, but you'll still fall prey to high school drama. It's inevitable. And if things ever get too overwhelming, sometimes you just gotta kill someone to release some stress.

It's an epistolary book. What you see is Flannery Culp's edited diary, so it's a mix of what she actually wrote and what she's added later for pizzazz.

Let's talk about the narrator, the murderess, the ring leader of the Basic Eight, Miss Flannery Culp. She's unreliable and she works it. She'll have a conversation with one of her friends and then repeat it verbatim with another. She'll get a ride with a friend and tell you what they said while they were in the car, and then get out and tell you she walked to school. She tries to slyly worm her way out of things that she blatantly tells you she did earlier on. She's got panache, though. You just have to roll with it.

As for the actual plot, it's both dark and comical, and it's also very tense. It's kind of like when you conspire with your friends that your English teacher steals dogs from people's yards and eats them, and then you find out that he actually does. The foreshadowing was great. It left me on edge just waiting for the big day.

I have two criticisms, and those are that the twist ending, albeit shocking and surprising and all that jazz, fit strangely with the rest of the story. And the book was paced oddly. There were times when I just wanted to get to the climax already.

The Basic Eight is a great high schoolie satire. A great read especially for late April end-of-the-school-year days when you find yourself dreaming up elaborate ways to kill off your Chemistry teacher (not that you do that).

Review // Like Water for Chocolate

Like Water for Chocolate

by Laura Esquivel

I chose this book off of a list of books I had to read for English. I thought I'd try a little magic realism. Life lesson: any time you get to read about magic in school, it's a treat.

That being said, it is best to divide this book into two distinct aspects: the romance aspect and the magic aspect.

For a bit of background, Like Water for Chocolate is the story of Tita, the youngest daughter in the family. She lives in Mexico with her family, and keeping with the family's traditions, the youngest daughter must take care of her mother until the day she dies. This means no marriage, and for Tita, it means she must watch her sister marry the love of her life, Pedro. While serving her mother for eternity, Tita learns to express herself through her cooking, which some might even say is magical (cause it totally is, bro).

First part, a.k.a. the romance. One plot line that I absolutely cannot stand in a book is the cheating plot line. Cheating seems gross to me, and I can't stand how casual people are about throwing love triangles into stories to make them saucier, or whatever. And because of the love triangle plot of the story, I really didn't connect with any of the characters, which didn't make for a happy read. The one character I did like was Mama Elena, Tita's mama. She was a spectacular villain.

Now onto the magic, which was much more enjoyable. I don't know that the magic in the story was necessarily realistic. To me, the whole story read more like a legend or a tall tale, like the stories of Paul Bunyan or Pecos Bill. The magic bits were very exaggerated and legendary, and that was cool. Magic food is always a great addition to a story.

And the last thing I wanted to write about was the format of the book. It's set up like a recipe book, divided into twelve months with each month representing a new recipe. I thought it was a nice idea, but after a few months I was sick of the recipes, and I just skimmed past them.

It was an okay read, not my favorite. If romance is your thing, you'll hopefully enjoy it more than I did.

How to Lose a Whole Lot of Weight!!! (Triple Exclamation Point!)

I recently read an article on the internet that was about weight loss and general health. Because weight loss and/or general health appeal to everyone. And I stumbled across a paragraph that talked about how tall glasses are better than short, fat glasses, because you'll subconsciously fill the short, fat glass more than you'd fill the tall, skinny glass.

Here's a hint, and it's a good one, so lean in and listen closely:

"IF YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AND YOUR BEVERAGE IS CAUSING YOU TO GAIN THAT MUCH WEIGHT WHY THE BLERKITYDERK ARE YOU DRINKING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE??? (TRIPLE QUESTION MARK?) WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? A BIG GULP-SIZED CUP OF LARD? HERE TRY SOME FRESH WATER. BEVERAGE OF CHAMPIONS!!!"

Sorry; didn't mean to yell in your ear. . . (Triple period. Also, an ellipsis.)

Review // Life of Pi

 Life of Pi

by Yann Martel

A couple of camping trips and an adventure in the creek at the park are about as far as I've come to roughing it. I'm not that outdoorsy, and like a lot of people I've lived my life without ever having to survive. To be honest, I don't find survival stories that exciting. And it took me an obscenely long time to read Life of Pi, but don't fret, I absolutely loved it.

The story is about Pi Patel, an Indian boy who is a Christian, a Hindu, and a Muslim. His family owns a small zoo in India, but they're moving themselves and the zoo to Canada via cargo ship. On the voyage there, however, their boat sinks, and Pi finds himself in a small lifeboat with an orangutan, a zebra, a hyena, and an enormous Bengal tiger. The story is the story of his survival.

Some of my favorite stories are stories about stories, and this is one of those stories. The beginning of the book is very pretty. Pi has a pretty cool life. His family owns a beautiful zoo, and there are beautiful descriptions of all of the animals in it. He holds three faiths, and you get a little bit of insight into each. The first part of the book is very full and colorful and chock-full of gorgeous descriptions of faiths and animals.

That really contrasts with the second part of the book, the main portion, I suppose, where Pi is drifting along the sea with Richard Parker the tiger. The sea is not something that I like necessarily to read about, and I have to admit, that was what chewed up most of the time I spent reading it.

When I'm reading a book that's slow-paced or about a topic doesn't really interest me, I have to ask myself, is it worth it? Is the end good enough to justify reading all of the rest of the book? In the case of Life of Pi, I don't think it's possible to be disappointed by the ending. The last hundred or so pages are absolutely phenomenal, and it's one of those books that you can just think about forever, even when you've finished reading.

Something I especially loved was that the story wasn't laid out, like, here is the story, now here are the themes, now here is the end. Martel leaves almost the entire book up to your interpretation. How do you read the story? And if you have read it, which do you believe?

Absolutely amazing book, fantastic ending, so so so worth it.

Review // Of Mice and Men

Of Mice and Men

by John Steinbeck

For what reason, I don't know, but the copy of Of Mice and Men that I have is ridiculously tall and skinny. Perhaps like Mike Teavee, it got shrunk in a TV and then stretched back to normal size.

Of Mice and Men is about these two guys named George and Lennie. George is small, cunning, and kind of the leader of the two, and Lennie is a bigger guy who is very childlike in the ways that he thinks and acts. George spends a lot of his time taking care of Lennie, because he promised he would. They've traveled together for a long time, finding work and saving money in an attempt to fulfill their very old American dream of one day owning their own house and land and living off of it.

When the story starts, they're just arriving at a ranch, where they're going to work. George is extremely cautious all the time, to the point where you can feel something, it's not clear what, is going happen, and throughout the course of the book about a million things will pop into your head about what that something could be.

At the beginning, the imagery used to describe the ranch when they first get there and the people who live on the ranch, and just about every aspect of the place they are at is very realistic. The picture that's put out is so clear that you don't have to work at all to get a bearing of what's going on. It really brilliantly sets up the rest of the story.

The two biggest themes here are loneliness and dreams. All of the men in the book are lonely and they're all dreaming of something better. And I think being lonely and I think dreaming are two things that go hand in hand and are very human things to be.

The end actually shocked me a lot. Even though I felt something was going to happen from the very beginning, I had no idea what or how. And I was surprised. And wow.

It seems like everyone's read or been forced to read this book at some point. That's because it's amazing. You should read it too, if you have avoided it thus far in your life. C'est tout.

Harry Potter Hullaballoo - Gilderoy Lockhart

Gilderoy Lockhart

In which we find out Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color. Less importantly, though, Ron gets a Howler.

If I had to compare a Howler to something, I'd say it's the wizard equivalent of your mother coming to your seventh grade shop class and threatening to use a jig saw on you because you only packed potato chips and soda in your lunch box. Except a howler would be worse than that, because everyone can hear what your mum's yelling in her scary Howler yelling voice—and you know you deserve it. And it's even worse for Ron, because Mrs. Weasley can be a beast when she needs to be. Outwardly, Mrs. Weasley is nothing but kind to Harry, but she does know how to use guilt to whip him into shape.

After the Howler debacle, Harry feels even guiltier when he sees the Professor Sprout doctoring the Whomping Willow and putting its branches in slings. Lockhart is on the grounds, because obviously he's much better at Herbology than Professor Sprout*. He also tells Harry not to let things like fame go to his head*. And also winning Witch Weekly's most charming smile award is much better than defeating Voldemort when you're a baby*. On a happier note, in Herbology class, the second years are repotting Mandrakes. These little buggers will make a return appearance at the end of the year, so don't banish them from your head completely. We also meet Justin Finch-Fletchley, a fellow second year and Hufflepuff, who we find out is muggle-born.

Chamber of Secrets was never my favorite book in the series, but something that does set it apart from the other books is that we really get to see more daily life at Hogwarts. Many more characters are introduced, we find out more about brooms and plants and Hogwarts's secrets, and more than the first book, we are informed of all these different aspects of being a with or wizard. It's just more world building, more proof that these aren't your stereotypical wizards; they're an entire world of their own, something that extends beyond the ink on the pages.

Colin Creevey is introduced in this chapter, a spritely young first year who is pretty starstruck by Harry despite finding out he was a wizard only months before. Harry and Ron get into a little fight about this with Draco Malfoy and Draco ends up insulting Mrs. Weasley, but what's new about that? Lockhart saves the day by giving Colin a picture of both him and Harry*.

In DADA, Harry finds Lockhart's classroom decorated in pictures of Lockhart*. To start the class, Lockhart gives a quiz over all of his books*, including questions such as "What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?" (100), the answer obviously being lilac*. After the quiz, Lockhart unleashes a herd of freshly caught cornish pixies on the class and proves to be no help collecting them back up, even though cornish pixies aren't even that dangerous*. Ugh, Lockhart is such a fail at being a famous, charming wizard. I don't even know why Hermione is all swoony about him, when he's obviously not as smart as he's leading the rest of the population to believe.

Times Lockhart is an ass in this chapter: ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Harry Potter Hullaballoo - The Whomping Willow

The Whomping Willow

In which Harry and Ron miss the Hogwarts Express and choose a different route to Hogwarts.

A Series of Trends Throughout the Series:

1. Fred + George + Fireworks.
2. Being late to Platform every single year.
3. Falling a great distance and landing on a harmful plant.
4. Missing the Sorting Hat ceremony.
5. Getting busted by Snape while missing the Sorting Hat ceremony.
6. Getting off with minimal punishment after breaking the rules.
7. Getting reprimanded by Hermione for breaking the rules.
8. Getting cheered by fellow Gryffindors for breaking the rules.
9. Breaking the freaking rules all the freaking time.

Harry and Ron are the brand of dumb in this chapter that you can only get from a pair of twelve-year-old boys. Sending a letter to Hogwarts would have been a smart idea if you couldn't get past the platform barrier. Waiting until Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came out would have worked, too. Waiting by the  car was fine. But, no, they had to go and drive the flying car and get a whole detention for doing so (totally worth it).

The thing I love most about this chapter is the flying car, the Ford Anglia. It's a character by itself, and it is a part of the Weasley family. I love that after it wins a fight with the Whomping Willow, it totally ejects Harry and Ron from inside and becomes a wild recluse in the Forbidden Forest.

The Whomping Willow is cool, too. It is more proof that J.K. Rowling went into this knowing things. Almost nothing here is just randomly placed.

I think when they're first looking into the Great Hall from the lawn, Harry and Ron see the sorting of Colin Creevey. Poor kid: his name is only two letters different then Colin Creepy (he is, though, a bit).

Harry and Ron don't get expelled or arrested. They get one measly detention apiece. McGonagall is a strict woman, but she has a subtle sense of humor about her. Sometimes she can't even take herself too seriously.

Snape is really a grouchy pants. He takes himself to seriously all the time. He takes himself so seriously he conditions with axle grease just to prove that he can seriously pull it off.

At the end of the chapter there's a really cute scene after they've gone to bed where Harry and Ron are reunited with their roommates, Neville, Dean, and Seamus. And then the chapter ended.

Harry Potter Hullaballoo - At Flourish and Blotts

At Flourish and Blotts

In which Harry and friends travel to Flourish and Blotts and happen across the infamous Gilderoy Lockhart.

It's Harry's first time traveling by floo powder, and as impressive of a wizard as he is at twelve years old, he still gets nervous and ends up in Knockturn Alley, the sketchiest of all wizardly alleys. He ends up in a store called Borgin and Burkes, which specializes in creepy objects and hides himself in a sarcophagus thing so that he isn't seen by the Lucius and Draco who happen to walk into the store at that moment.

Lucius is selling something. I'm not sure what. It probably doesn't matter, but he does possess some very sketchy objects, one of which he gives to Ginny about five pages later. The diary. Malfoy has this obsession with Harry that kind of carries on throughout the books. I think that he wants to fit in so much with his dad's crowd of Death Eater types that he constantly talks about the only things he knows about, that being Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Hagrid finds Harry in Knockturn Alley and returns him to Diagon Alley. Who knows what he was doing there. Oh yeah, Flesh-Eating Slug repellent ahem gamblingproblem ahem. Actually it probably was the slug repellent, who knows.

Reunited at last, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and rest go to Flourish and Blotts and find dear old Gilderoy Lockhart doing a book signing there. He announces that he will be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and pretends to be buddybuddy with the famous Harry Potter.

You know who else is in Flourish and Blotts? Draco and Lucius. And they start something.

See here, Ginny is not some shy fangirl. She is the first to defend Harry when he's insulted by Malfoy. It only cost her a year of being possessed by a horcrux, but hey. After that, Lucius and Arthur get into a tussle, which is kind of weird, because Arthur is usually the calmest of the Weasleys and I can't imagine Lucius lowering himself so low as to fight with a "blood traitor." I guess Arthur has that "Weasley temper" everyone talks about, and Lucius forgot to eat his Wheaties for breakfast so he was cranky.

This chapter is the only chapter in the entire series in which Hermione's parents are there in the flesh. I don't know if you noticed them in the movie or not, but they're cute parent-types.

Until next time.

The Second Story Window

The downfall to a warm winter is the bugs. Huge. Bugs. Everywhere. A slight exaggeration, but there are those nighttime bugs that love them some windows, and they keep banging against mine like bullets. Every time this happens, my mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusion. That someone is climbing in my window, snatching my people up. Then I remember that my window is on the second story and it is impossible to climb in it unless you're spiderman. Guys, spiderman is trying to break into my house. My spidey senses are tingling.

Harry Potter Hullaballoo - The Burrow

The Burrow

In which Harry is rescued from the Dursleys' house and taken to the Burrow.

A hierarchy of Harry's homes would look like this: Hogwarts, the Burrow, 4 Privet Drive. Even though, Harry would most definitely put 4 Privet Drive at the bottom of the list, it is important that he still considers it home. Every spring, he goes back to Privet Drive at first, not the Burrow or eventually 12 Grimmauld Place.

When we start the chapter, Harry is permanently locked in his room. Bars on his window, deadbolt locks in his door, the whole nine yards. Petunia even feeds him soup three times a day through a cat flap Uncle Vernon installed. It may seem like the Dursleys are doing this because they're angry at him for ruining their dinner party, and I have no doubt that they're furious, but even more than that, they're freaking terrified of Harry.

If I had a list of my favorite moments in the entire series, this would be one of them: the moment when Fred, George, and Ron all break Harry out of his room and take him via flying car to their home. It's the most exciting, huzzah moment.

There's something that Harry says: "'Watch out for the bottom stair—it creaks'" (26) that I found funny. Fred and George just broke bars off of your window, Harry. If the Dursleys slept through that, they probably won't notice the creaky stair. But it's neither the creaky stair nor the bar-breaking that wake Uncle Petunia and Aunt Vernon—hang on . . . scratch that; reverse it. It's Hedwig.

But they escape fine. And they ride off into the midnight sky, home free.

The description and Harry's first reaction of the Burrow is one of my favorite things. He notices everything, from the Burrow's whimsical architecture, to the greenish pond and weedy garden. The knitting needles that knit by themselves, and the Weasleys' clock. That clock is so cool. I think that Burrow is a brilliant contrast to the the spick- and span-ness of 4 Privet Drive.

Home free, not quite, actually. Mrs. Weasley catches them and is throughly peeved at Fred, Ron, and George. She makes many an exception for Harry, and continues to do so right up until the last book.

Harry catches a glimpse of Ginny, the youngest of all the Weasleys, whom we've only briefly seen on Platform 9¾ last year. She was starstruck then and she's very very shy now, which Ron tells us is unusual for her. A lot of people really hate Ginny, because she's fangirly at first. But think about yourself in sixth grade, then imagine yourself in pajamas, meeting your big fat seventh-grade crush who happens to be famous and also your older brother's best friend and also is staying at your house until school starts, which you will be attending together. How would you react?

Okay, how do you think Mr. Weasley developed his passion for muggles? I mean, he's one of two people who share this passion. I always imagined that he got busted for doing something at Hogwarts, and instead of getting a detention, he was forced to do community service with muggles. Dress up like the easter bunny, perhaps? (Holiday spirit.)

Über favorite moment:

"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on pipes and groaning. . . ."

But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in" (41).

On that note, I leave you. Goodbye.

Harry Potter Hullaballoo - Dobby's Warning

Dobby's Warning

In which Dobby ruins a dinner party and tells Harry not to go back to Hogwarts.

The thing that makes Dobby so admirable is that he has to do the right thing. It's embedded in his character to do what he thinks is right thing no matter what the cost, whether the right thing is to warn Harry of going back to Hogwarts, to hit himself with a lamp, or to not talk ill of his masters. It's pretty tragic to have a heart so golden that it leads to the detriment of others. He honestly means well when he hides letters and drops puddings on women's heads. Those things just tend to upset the people he's trying to help. He's also very smart. He knows exactly what he's doing all the time. He doesn't follow orders from the Malfoys for the sake of following them, and he—forgot what I was going to say—is just really cool.

The Malfoys' plan is hinted at even in this chapter, for why else would Dobby be warning Harry about going back to Hogwarts? Of course, at this point, we don't know that Dobby belongs to the Malfoys or that the Malfoys have a secret plan. I guess despite Voldemort thinking otherwise, Lucius does attempt to bring back Voldmemort. I don't know how he knows what that diary would do, though.

Harry has another dream at the end of this chapter, where he's in a snake cage (or just a regular cage, I'm assuming it's the same cage of the snake he let loose at the zoo last year). A lot of Harry's dreams have to do with snakes and Harry's scar.

I never understood why Harry was reprimanded for Dobby's magic. He receives a letter and everything, but Dobby doesn't have the trace on him, so the wizards shouldn't have even been able to tell there was any magic going on at 4 Privet Drive. My only guess would be that 4 Privet Drive is under very strict surveillance, because Harry's a very important wizard, but I haven't a clue.

Incredibly short chapter. Incredibly short response. Learn how to spell incredibly, Sam.